Monday, May 29, 2006
The Budgie Chronicles
Sunday March 4th I sing for my supper. I am a therapeutic budgie, I even have my degree hung on the wall of my cage. When I am doing my job I must remain professional at all times no belly tickles allowed. Dogs therapeutic; ha, I go where dogs fear to tread. A charming personality is what I have.
Wednessday January 10th Gramps has something new on his face, a pair of glasses. Blind as a Bat whoo, don't say those words. Now he has a set for flying and pair to keep those seeds in focus. it is a tough life for an elderly budgie. We had the extended Fameily over for a feast and fun. Turkey? oh no no no that would be, oh must. No we ate ham. There was Cumin sesamie, some grapes and other friut. This all took place in Pauls cage and it looked like a spring migration.
Saturday November, 18th Yet another Christmas sing along and still a month to the big day. He says he has to practice for the choir. How many times does a budgie have to practice Santa Cluas is comming to Town?. Then he has his mind on the parade, he wants to join that club and ride a little motorbike around in circles. I say you can fly my boy, what do you want want with a moterbike? Those cards, will he ever stop? The other day the household cat drops by the cage just to say Merry Christmas, and deliver one of his own paw print cards. They chit-chat for ten minutes.
Saturday October 7th
My grandson plays football, of course humans don't understand this game because it is played in 3 dimensions. He shows some talent for the running game. Most budgies are good runners unlike robins who prefer to hop. There are many types of avian football but one rule is the same everywhere. You can't be in front of the line of scrimmage
before the snap.
I am proud of my grandson and the fact that he plays in the NBFL.
Saturday October, 7th
Budgies are not native to North America we were brought here by some really lonesone folks on a sailing ship called the Sunflower Seed. These folks taught us to speak their parlour room chatter so they could amuse their friends. My Grandpa speaks with an Austrailian accent even I have a strong accent mostly because the native birds don't like talking to us. Budgies in their eyes are soft living in human houses are pampered all day, not having to migrate or live on nuts and berries in the cold winter weather. We still speak Budgie at Home kind of like English as a second language.
Tuesday, Sept. 19th
I don't do gum, chewing or bubble this is a feather thing. Anyway, what good is gum to a beak? I get plenty of beak exercise at the gym down the street. I get most of my gossip there too. A few weeks ago Pepper and Salt stood proudly behind the nest to pose for a photo of there three chicks hatching out party. Three weeks later there are the kids posing for their first feather photo. The one on the right they call Louis after his Grampa but he is no Shakespeare. They call him Louis one note because that is all he will sing, one note.
Thursday, Sept. 7th
So I have the September Issue of budgie Chit Chat Magazine, What Makes birdies Fall in love. This one duck says I am pernicious by nature so I always find myself looking for another lady with pudding feet. I have discovered that when your talking sex it is amazing how important a little subcutaneous fat is. Then the swan is looking for cleavage of course. This writing describes the budgie as an intelligent lover who is predisposed to dance, food, and preening before the big event. Only the goose is monogamous but who knows what that means when your writing about an animal that has to defecate every 17 min.
Planet of the Budgies
Now this a horror flick I enjoy! These jumbo sized budgies are much more fun than the greasy haired apes
. Everything on this planet is controlled by intelligent thought, and graceful beak movements, and the Human are kept in the cages. There are not manipulating human intellects on this planet, the humans clean up after themselves. The scientist in the film have made great strides in agriculture research and have created the giant poppyseed plant. Well, I have to do something to fill the lomesome afternoons in my cage.
Wednesday, August 23th
My poor little feet are at work 24 hours a day, no signs of varicose veins but I am still a young birdie. Humans can at least spend part of the day sitting on their butts. My feet don't look like anything special with all those scales and things but they are very useful to me. By golly, I can run like the wind, I can make my getaway going behind the speakers on the floor. Then I get my biggest laugh is watching that portly Human get down on his hands and knees and play touchy-feely with that carpet. He will say, "There he is!" so I will run behind the houseplant with a blur of my flying feet.
Tuesday, August 15th
I have been downloading some Ring tones for my cell phone after all you can only listen to Budgiethoven so many times. Everyone knows that Budgies are flock birds, so it is birdie see birdie do. When I visit with others budgies, our ring tones all sound the same. Mine is a little different, so I was able to take a call from Granny. "Oh I am so glad I could talk to you today, I remember when you were still in the egg." She means well.
Thursday, August 10th Summer Reading Oh how could you! I just finished reading the "The Case Of The Missing Tail Feather" Simon did not do it. It fell out in a moult. This book was written by Alfred Budgiecock a famous mystery writer. I could simply just not put it down. While my human was away one day, I flew over to see if I liked the titles on his bookself. After I read some of the titles my blood ran cold, and that does not happen often with a warm blooded birdie like me. Murder, Rape, War, These are all subjects humans like to read about in fiction. It took me two days before I could jump up on his hand again.
Sunday, July 30th
What is a budgie to do? There is no way a budgie can make it through a day without chatting to someone about something. If a budgie can't chat he might become verbally constipated.
Budgies are chatty birds by nature, I think if I did not have this written means of expression I would have to add another hour of chatting to my daily appointment schedule. Budgies talk to mirrors and even a likeness of other budgies made from plastic and you know how fantastic that is. It is as they say, a desperate world.
Friday, July 21st
I have no need for running shoes.
Yesterday I went to the Regional "Dive for Cover Games" at Berry Bush Lane. The games are held every year to raise money for budgie charities.
I came back with some hardware that is now hanging in my cage. I won the much coveted Dive For Cover foot race. Nobody wears shoes for this event because they would fall off their perch in the berry bushes at the end of the race.
I have anticipated your next question about the color of budgie money.
It is green the same as unripe seeds.
Friday, July 14th
Oh woof! Oh woof! I heard a scary noise. The most frightening thing in the human world has fur, barks and will wag a tail at the slightest inclination. What do you do with a paw, four of them on the ground and everything is either sniffed or chewed. Now don't go calling me conceited, I always fly away from trouble. It is my feathers, I cannot risk having them soiled. Still I do have my deadly beak and my scream is not nearly as bad as my pinch.
Monday, July 10th
Hey! Take a gander at the head gear on this one! No wonder I call them bewildered beasts. If that thing spent half the energy growing a brain. Those male humans have the opposite problem premature balding of that fur on their head. Now I must admit that budgies do lose their baby stripes, however we budgies keep a whole head of feathers right into old age.
Monday, July 3rd
Budgie Square Dancing
With your partner bob that head and two steps right, then two steps left. Down that perch you go and see seeds for you and seeds for me. Flap around the room once right, left we go and back to start. Forward run with feet all spread, backwards run and bob that head.
Thursday, June 29,
I don't chew gum, my beak is not desgned for it. I can't blow bubbles either. I find chewing on my perch can be relaxing. You might say chewing is my hobbie, my version of industrial arts. I can share my thoughts on chewing on the Budgie internet and find out what is safe to chew on, if I do get a tummy upset I can take a little charcoal for relief. Just about everything in my cage has to be touched by my beek every day or I just don't feel happy.
Sunday June 19,
You won't see me couch up a feather ball! This sign here says WASH YOUR HANDS. What hands? I don't have any, you might say my hands are my feet. Then my hands are my beak too. You know how the right foot washes the left. I actually wash my whole body with my beak. There is only one place that my beak can't reach. That would be the top of my head. So what you ask do I do to keep my beak clean? I give it a few good wipes on the perch. That is more than a beastly cat it would do Just cough up a fur ball.
Sunday June 11,
I am having a bad feather day. It might be the humidity, but my feathers just won't stay in place. My master will laugh because he has nothing to shampoo. I will have to buy a shampoo that gives me more body. Maybe my oil gland on my tail is just not making it to the specs I need like it should. I am a vegetarian by nature. I do at times envy the raptors who can eat meat. Even the wild birds outside my window get through winter by eating suet. There is only so much oil you can get from a chick pea.
Friday June 2nd,
I bought myself a pair of shades for the summer sun. Blue of course, to match my feathers. These things are a real chick magnet, make me look ten years younger. This pair even has lenses that are blue. I am a blue budgie in a blue world. I even slicked my feathers back with a little "Budgie Oil" from my tail gland so I get that retro fifties look, to die for baby.
Friday May 26th,
Did you know that next week is "National Beak Appreciation Week" for caged birds and wild ones too. Here, I'll read you from the poster for the activities in my town. There will be seed eating contests, seed spilling contests, beak pullup contests, and pecking contests. This is not just for one day, it is a whole week of fun. The rain location is under the eves of farmer Madden's barn.
Sunday May 21th,
Burping the Budgie
This can happen on a diet of only seed. Humans think it is cute when budgies yawn too. There are few ways a budgie can tell a human if the seed is giving him indigestion so we just have to sit and suffer so to speak. I don't like to waste food, it looks like I am ungrateful in the end the saving grace is the charcoal, and budgies don't have any need to BBQ.
Wednesday May 10th, I have a Cardinal outside my window who wants to be the next Pope. The church will have nothing of it because he is married. Oh he is proud of red robes, He fusses so much with them he forgets to feed his children. His mate is now looking for a more dependable fella, she is making more frequent visits to the bird bath a few blocks over.
Wednesday May 3rd,
One Flew over the Budgies Nest
How about, Budgies or The Budgie Man of Alcktras. Some of my crow friends might argue about changing the title of that now famous Hitchcock movie. The Crows would say we have the wrong shaped beak to be really scary, but I think I can still peck until it hurts.
Monday April 24th,
What are you looking at? I am just doing my toilet, and he has to stare. Says he finds it facinating. he calls it preening. I call it none of his business. can't a guy touch up his feathers. I can
Wednesday April 19th,
A little touch of feather envy, that's what humans have. All you have to do is look at spoken English expressions. The feathers will fly, That will be another feather in his cap. These kind of expressions only make the problem worse. I know some of my budgie friends who have really bad cases of hand envy. Well, I think there is always a trade off. We have to amuse ourselves with our beaks, and a man has to keep busy with his hands.
Thursday April 13th,
Being a Budgie means never having to rent a tux, and we don't have to brush either. I have an invite to my cousin's wedding in June. The whole flock will be there, well my side will. I am the bride. I have to look
posh and preen everywhere. I always need help with my face and those places I can't reach by myself. Mother used to preen there, but now I try to get any young female to do it. May is a very popular time for bird weddings even migratory birds.
Thursday April, 6th,
The Birds Of Spring Are Back.
"The red, red, Robin goes bob, bob, bobbing along." What a rediculous form of locomotion. That bird is not red, it only has a red breast and it eats worms, how disgusting! A robin would never make a good cage bird, so why do people make songs about it? What about this, the blue, blue, budgie goes pitter pat, pitter pat along.
Not only that I am here all year round. Have you ever heard of a carbon footprint? Mine is low, but I have a very high IQ and cuteness score. Thursday March, 30th,
Budgie Speed Dating
I have not tried this myself, but my girlfriend went for a girls a night out with a couple of her cohorts. She said one guy kept showing off his feathers and telling all the girls he looked even better in a dark dance hall with disco lights. A bit like a guy wearing a tee-shirt to show off his muscles She said an other one kept reading from Shakspeare.
Friday March 24th
Concerto for Budgie and Orchestra. I composed this music myself, I even wrote a libretto for it. In bird circles, the humble budgie voice is considered one of the most expressive. I dropped a copy of the title page on the cage floor.He didn't even notice, some music critic he is! You may ask, how does a bugdie get a hold of an orchestra? I just have a few birdie friends by, Charlie can do almost all the strings, Joe is good for horns, we have Peter on percussion I of coursesing budgie.
Tuesday March 21th
Now there it is again, sport teams named after birds. Golden Eagles, Golden Hawks, and even a guys team called the Blue Hens. That is I suppose why they call it, "March Madness". These humans do not just pick on birds of prey, They have baseball teams called, "The Cardinals" originally from the Catholic church, "The Oreoes" and "The Toronto Blue Jays". Nobody called the Toronto Blue Budgie The Toronto Blue Budgies.
Monday March 20th
I call those little things I deposit gupda. That is better then calling them what they call bat droppings. Guano, That sounds like something on a menu made with avacado. Anyway, the reason I bring this up is, because while I was making my deposit I spent some quality time with my master. Did you know he is addicted to a certain card game? I know budgies that have lost their nests over card games. I have to start distracting him from this pastime, maybe a little more gupda.
Thursday March 16th
You can ring my bell and chimes. See, I can really say that and mean it because that is what I now have in my cage. Every respectable budgie has a bell in his cage but not every pet bird has birdie sized, wind chimes.
They say if you have it, flaunt it, and this is one I am flaunting. There is that song "ring my chimes" you sing that one and it will never leave you mind. I don't even think he remembers where he got these but they are going to be around my cage for a while.
Friday March 10th
I like to think of myself as having a Roman Beak, that is in human terms a Roman Nose. The shape of my beak gives me my handsome face. There are many budgies who would give their back teeth to have a shiny beak like I have. Oops! I forgot about the teeth. I have other excellent features as well. My feet, I am very proud of my feet. They are very nimble on the perch and I am a very good dancer.
Monday March 6th 2006
They say, "You can't teach a new budgie old tricks." If he buys even one more toy for this cage. Maybe I can write a book of Budgie love poems, like Take a Flying at a Rolling Budgie, or The Easter Egg My Male Budgie Layed Over the Weekend. Did you see the Oscars? Some of those women should have worn feathers they would have looked much better. Every year I say the same thing and do they listen? Budgie ladies are beautiful with feathers you cannot go wrong
Friday February 24th 2006
Hey, check this out! The budgie personals online. Hot Beak, Blond feathers, Seeking blue feathered intellectual type to share weekends with in a large, warm, sunny cage. Here's another:
Sexy green pied with papers seeking suitable partner for conjugal visits. Those pieds always have their beaks in the air! The only papers I have are the ones on the floor of my cage. A male with a cage full of toys seeking female two afternoons a week: object, play. Ah, yes here is mine, budding blog writer, wise in the ways of the world, would like lively discussions with female, has a weakness for gray blue feathers and perky tails.
Tuesday Febraury 21th 2006
Feather duster indeed, I may have a magnetic personality but it is not an attraction to dirt. I know you have heard the expression, "That will put the hair on your chest", or even the rock opera "Hair". Maybe today my litle blurb should be about feathers. You can even forget the rock opera "Cats", those beast have no color when compared to any bird even just a budgie like me. Feathers are warm,light and comfortable, any pillow makers knows that. While they are part of me I will preen them, clean them, and slick them down with oil. Any of you humam males want to laugh when I am molting just remember mine grows back, baldy.
Wednesday February 15th 2006
The Olympics, well you can forget the word "winter" in front of the word games. I have been watching my cage cable again and that snow does not look at all like a good thing to me. I like to think of myself as athletic, I can do a good number of beakups on my cage door frame.
The beak wings and feet are budgie stong points. I have very good eye beak co-ordination and a good sense of balance. I am also have a good pair of fast feet. Now if this was the budgie Summer Games that would be an entirely different kettle of fish.
Thursday February 10th 2006
I am really into my seeds. Good seed not stale, seeds to stimulate my delicate little taste buds. Let's see now, what is on the menu. A little charcoal, ground up shell, seeds with orange rind, seeds with vegatables, and millet on the side. There are days when everything tastes like chicken. Oops, now that was a mistake!. What I meant to say was dried grass, not that I have ever eaten dried grass. I am a captive bird so I will stick with the buffet.
Saturday February 4th 2006
My name, is this something we have mentioned before? I would like to have a little something to be included at the end of my name, like Esq. So my master's name of affection for me is Budgie McCudgie, Esq. No, I am not Scottish, he just likes the name. If I had it my way I might consider a Q.C. at the end, but I don't think they allow that in Canada anymore. That's a lawyer's joke. My education is a little less lofty than law. I have a degree in Bird Sociology, with a major in avian flock patterns.
Sunday January 29th 2006
Budgie Art, that is my subject for today. Don't go laughing too hard, I have heard of elephants and dogs making a name for themselves in this field of endevour. I make my art with my beak I change the wall hanging at the back of my cage to express my feelings for that day. I preen the little bits of string at the bottom to look in an orderly fashion or I create total disorder, mind you I can only do this if I have heavy secretions of oil that day from my tail gland. I also like to express my feelings with bag tiers of different colors. I am no Henry Moore but I think my sculpters merits some admiration.
Wednesday January 25th 2006
Sweet! I have a blond bombshell just dropped into my cage, like that movie. What a looker and no more then ten weeks out of the egg. Now there she sits on the shoulder of that guy who cleans the cage. Now what does he want with a female budgie? He doesn't have any time for me anymore just reaches in, picks her up, on the shoulder and away they go without a squawk. What a looker she is! I hope she marks his shirt, I really do. All he has is one fuzzy photo of the two of us not any good to put in my wallet. He promised me better, We will see what happens. Now that I am second best budgie, I feel like leaving home.
Wednesday January 18th 2006
I have been doing some cage reading about the great Dr. Parrott Frid analyst and his theory of bead envy, he says that it is natural for the aveian personality to be attracted to shiny objects. This is a defining trait of the bird personality brought it its zenith in the behavour of the bower bird. I myself will admit to having a toy in my cage with shiny objects in it that I like to touch with my beak when no one is watching. I like to look at good pictures in glossy magazines of shiny objects that I might like to have in my cage. There is a limit to this habit of gathering shiny objects, and that, say Dr Parrott Frid is where a bird's life can cross the line to sickness. The bird personality must find joy in other life endevours such as preening, food seeking, and family, to stay on the good side of sanity.
Thursday January 12th 2006
I don't really think that I need to be made to smell nice. My smell is just right. I mark the cage with my own perfume and believe me I have trouble keeping the females away. There is of course something about the smell of me that I like. I am like a snowflake, unique in budgieland. There is no other budgie smells just like I do nor will there ever be. I have heard humans say that about themselves, it is true of budgies too.
Monday January 9th 2006
Preeniing: Now this takes a little knowledge of avian anatonmy and a sturdy beek and tonque. You start with a firm grip on the perch and then get generous amounts of oil on the tonque. I can reach just about any place on my feathery body with my beak. A human mother says wash behind your ears. A budgie has to remember under it's wings and the fluff on the chest. Preening is an event in the budgie Winter Olympics although it is down indoors, it will keep you warm when outside. There is a good amount of gymnastics involved in this sport and even eye beak cordination.Tuesday January 3rd 2006
Some people think that all we budgies own are the feathers on our back. This is not true. Our feathers are colorful, Yes, but a budgie as an individual can bring delight into his master's life. I know that I sing well and I sing my best in the morning, right after I am through with my toilet. Then there is the fact that we budgies can fly, this talent may make most budgies a tad conceited, but why not eh?
Thursday December 29th 2005
Finally a Christmas dinner and some major cooking efforts over the last few days. I was brought out to socialize. Nobody understood my budgie so I spoke in English but with my bird accent nobody paid any attention. I read on the internet the other day that the aboriginal word "Budgerigar" means Good eating, how insulting! So I was given cooked peas but was told the pudding might be a little rich for me. Another new toy in my cage this one stays tight against the wall. I call it my comfort zone.
Sunday, December 25th 2005
I have awaken in a courting mood and preen myself before opening my gifts. I like being a spoiled only budgie. I got a new rough perch to keep my nails trim, a special seed mix that I simply cannot stop eating. So I will wish all other pets in the world even if you do not believe in Christmas the best of the season.
Friday December 16th Today some fancy footwork on my perch. Something I saw Fred Astaire do on my cage cable. I would someday like to study dance. Not ballet, but well you know George Burns maybe even Spanish Dancing. Today I also wrote a poem.
Ode To A Feather
O feather bright of color
I need thee to fly above the kitchen floor and be free.
Wednesday December 14th
I have written my Christmas list for Santa. I told him I was a good bird and that I want a framed picture of myself to hang in my cage. I saw some other budgie gifts while shopping on EBay today. They have some signs to hang on the outside door that say "Beware of the Budgie".
Monday December 12th
Oh feathers, a bilingual budgie and look at the state he's in. You would think I was a national treasure, all I said was tut, tut. Last night I was talking turkey with those birds on the television. I think they were as wild as any I have seen in nature, so I did not push them on any long conversations about what Christmas means to me. I have suet with my seed to chubby me up for this cold weather. Every now and then I get egg in my special food dish. I am hoping a little plum pudding and cranberry sauce will be in that dish when the big dinner is served.
Tuesday December 6th
An early Christmas present, a swinging perch. It cost next to nothing but I like it. I was sitting on the new perch last night. I enjoy being a kept bird, when I saw how humans dress up to go out in the winter cold. It made me think of a TV show I saw called, "Budgies In Space", it makes sense to me. A budgie has half the carbon footprint of a Yorkie, so why not "Budgies in Space"? The answer is yes to all of you who want to know if I have cable in my cage and I subscribe to the Budgie channel and the Pet channel.
Monday Noveber 28th 2005
I know the first posting was funny but that was done by way of introduction by the guy who cleans my cage. So I plan on making these posts with more pictures and in a more orderly way. Oh, by the way my name is Einstein.
The science says they don't know if some creatures can make a mental map, well I can. I know the way back to my cage from any room in this place. I will land on top and not go in until nobody is watching. They say that having contact with a pet can improve a human's mental health. Well, touch me or touch me not, I have delicate bones and a sharp beak. So far I have not found any reason to use them.
It was on a Tuesday the day before Wednesday that our story begins. A sunny day in late November in the bright cage in the window our hero Bluechest was face down in the feeding trough at the back of the cage. It was his first comfort after arriving to this quiet place. This was to be the first day of his postings of the Budgie Chronicles.